I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
