They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
that's an acceptable place to lick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
