I am in a vortex of obligation.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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