i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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