i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
