I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
