that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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