I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Pants are for mortals
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
