just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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