I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
