there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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