My liver just broke up with me...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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