I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
