dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
