the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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