I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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