she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
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I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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