You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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