Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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