I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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