I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
