Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
