Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
