Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
