His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
