Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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