Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
