alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
