this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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