Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
