Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
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We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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