Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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