I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize