Whod you bang
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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