the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
