he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
