Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
