I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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