Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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