I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
