Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
