I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
