thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
