4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it's great music for shaving your balls
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
