I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
