i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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