Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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