That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
