Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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