U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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