Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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