it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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