Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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