What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
