You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
