And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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