so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
