i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just found puke in my bra..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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