so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We talked him into tasing himself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
