You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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