Barsexuality is the new black.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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