Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
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she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize