i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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