There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Your dad touched me again.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
