man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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