My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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