this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
