kristin has been a bad kristin
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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