no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
