I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
