she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
